Reality Of A Stigmatised Mental Illness

Content Warning: Mentions of suicide (statistics)

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it’s also Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Awareness Month.

Borderline Personality Disorder is one of the most stigmatised and misunderstood mental health conditions. But that stigma doesn’t reflect the reality of those who live with it every day.

So what is BPD?

BPD is a disorder of emotional regulation. Emotions are amplified—every single one. Sadness can feel like profound grief. Anger, like uncontrollable rage. Happiness may feel euphoric. It’s not just “feeling too much”—it’s feeling everything all at once, often without the ability to turn down the volume.

It’s knowing you’re being irrational, but feeling like the emotional side is screaming so loudly that the rational voice doesn’t stand a chance. Many people with BPD become experts at masking, presenting a calm, composed face to the world, only to collapse into exhaustion and emotional overwhelm once they’re alone.

It’s the constant need for reassurance. The fear of abandonment. The deep yearning for connection that can so easily be misinterpreted.

One of the most difficult parts of BPD is something called splitting. This is a sudden, extreme shift in how someone with BPD views people they care about, this also can come in affect with things like jobs, hobbies, etc. It can happen when they're triggered, often by something that may seem small to others. When a split occurs, it can feel like the emotion completely takes over, leaving them lost in a storm of confusion, fear, or anger. Getting out of a split is not an easy thing to do in the slightest, and often needs to be worked on a considerable amount.

It’s believed that BPD causes some of the most intense emotional pain of any psychiatric condition. Studies have shown that people with BPD experience chronic, significant emotional suffering—what some researchers have described as mental agony.

Relationships can be incredibly hard to maintain. The people closest to someone with BPD often see the most pain, because that’s where the stakes feel the highest. When you feel things this deeply, every interaction, every word, can feel like it carries the weight of the world.

That doesn't make someone "too much" or "dramatic." These emotions are real, valid, and overwhelming. And while you may never fully understand what it feels like, we wouldn’t want you to—because it’s terrifying.

It’s terrifying to feel like you’re not in control of your own mind. To be set off by something small, and then spiral into a dark, dangerous place. This isn’t attention-seeking. It’s survival.

Unfortunately, the stigma around BPD often means we're met with misunderstanding, judgment, and even rejection. We reach out, hoping for support, and are met with silence—or worse, condemnation.

And the consequences of this stigma are deadly. BPD has one of the highest suicide rates of any mental health condition: an estimated 70% of people with BPD will attempt suicide at least once, and around 10% will die by suicide.

If you’re reading this and live with BPD, please know: you are not alone. You are not broken. And your pain is valid.

If you love someone with BPD, please listen. Learn. Have compassion, even when it’s hard to understand. Just because you haven’t felt it doesn’t mean it isn’t real.

Let’s break the silence. Let’s break the stigma. When fighting for mental health, we need to be fighting for all mental illnesses, not just ones that feel more comfortable.

The Daunting Of A New Year

Embracing the New Year Without the Pressure: It’s Okay to Take It Slow

As the year winds down, many of us feel the weight of reflection, thinking about the highs, the lows, and everything in between. But for those who have faced mental health struggles, looking back can sometimes feel more daunting than inspiring. It’s easy to get lost in the overwhelming memories of challenges and setbacks, and it can seem impossible to spot the moments of joy or growth amidst the struggle.

But here’s a simple truth: It’s okay if the biggest thing you accomplished this year was simply surviving.

The Pressure of New Year's Resolutions

When we think about New Year's resolutions, they often come with a lot of unspoken expectations. We’re told it’s the time to start fresh, to set ambitious goals, and to transform our lives immediately. But for many, this idea feels more like an abundance of pressure rather than an opportunity. The thought of having to do everything right away, and then keeping up with it consistently, can be overwhelming.

If you’re struggling mentally or emotionally, this pressure to "do it all" can feel like failure waiting to happen. The problem is that we tend to equate success with constant productivity and progress, but in reality, success can also mean showing up for yourself, even if it's in the smallest of ways.

So, if you’ve set goals for the year ahead, that’s great, but try to remember that you don’t have to rush. You don’t have to change everything at once, and you certainly don’t need to be perfect at it. It’s okay to take your time. Goals, habits, and change take time to nurture, and it’s more than okay to go at your own pace.

Building lasting habits doesn’t happen overnight. It takes patience, persistence, and self-compassion. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s okay. If you slip up, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it just means you’re human. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and it’s okay to give yourself grace along the way.

Facing the New Year: It's Not a Race

The idea of starting a new year can feel like stepping into the unknown. The thought of facing another 365 days of uncertainty or hardship can be terrifying. But here’s something important to remember: You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. It's okay if you don’t have all the answers. It’s okay if you’re unsure about what’s ahead.

In fact, it's perfectly fine if your resolution is simply to be kind to yourself as you move through the year. If all you accomplish is taking things one step at a time, that’s a success in itself. Be gentle with yourself, take breaks when you need them, and remember that no matter where you are, you’re allowed to grow at your own pace.

So as you look ahead to the new year, remember: you are enough just as you are. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have all your goals set in stone. If all you can do is survive today, that’s okay. Each day is a new opportunity to move forward at your own pace, even if it’s just a small step. Just take it slow, breathe.

It isn’t all what it seems

How many of us have heard phrases like, “That just needs to be left at home,” “You can’t bring that kind of attitude or emotion into work,” or “When you walk through those doors, you have to be fully focused on work”?

The truth is, you can’t.

When you live with mental illness, there is no "leaving it at home." It’s with you every waking moment. I wish it were as simple as shutting a door and leaving it behind, but that’s not how it works. Mental illness doesn’t take a day off just because you have a big meeting, a deadline, or a job that demands your attention. It seeps into everything.

You might sit in a meeting, trying your hardest to focus, while your brain is screaming at you with thoughts you can’t ignore. It’s like there’s a storm raging in your mind while you’re expected to smile, nod, and contribute as though everything is fine. Sometimes, the storm wins.

There are moments when it all becomes too much. Your heart races, your palms sweat, and your chest feels tight. You step away—not because you want to, but because you have to. Because if you don’t, you might break down right there. And so, you find a quiet corner or the bathroom, just to catch your breath, just to hold on.

Self-soothing strategies become your lifeline. Whether it’s counting your breaths, grounding yourself by naming things in the room, or using whatever small tools you have to feel even a fraction of control, you do what you must. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn’t.

It’s exhausting. And it’s terrifying. Mental illness is scary, unpredictable, and relentless. Yet so many people don’t understand how deeply it affects every aspect of your life. It’s not just a “bad day” or a mood that can be snapped out of. It’s not something you can leave at the door because it is the door, it’s how you enter the room, how you see the world, how you experience everything around you.

What makes it harder is the stigma. The fear that if you show even a glimpse of what you’re going through, people might judge you, label you, or think you’re not capable. So, you hide it. You mask it as best you can. But masking takes energy—energy you already don’t have—and it only adds to the weight you’re carrying.

Workplaces often talk about being inclusive and supportive, but for many, there’s still a gap between words and actions. It’s not enough to say, “We’re here if you need us,” when the culture still prioritises productivity over people’s well-being. Real change means creating environments where it’s safe to be human, where it’s okay to not be okay.

Living with mental illness doesn’t make you weak. If anything, it shows your strength. To get up every day, to keep going even when your mind and body are at war with each other, that’s resilience. But resilience shouldn’t mean you have to fight alone.

If you’re reading this and you’ve ever felt like you’re failing because you can’t leave your struggles “at home,” know this: you’re not failing. You’re surviving. And that’s more than enough.

It's Okay to Not Feel Festive This December

As we step into December, society tells us it's a time for joy, celebration, and togetherness. The world around us is filled with twinkling lights, cheerful music, and messages of peace and goodwill. We're encouraged to connect with family and friends, share in the holiday cheer, and feel gratitude for all the good things in our lives. But for many, December can feel like a heavy reminder that things aren’t always that simple.

It's okay to not feel festive. In fact, it’s more than okay. It’s important to recognise that this time of year can be incredibly overwhelming for some of us. While everyone else seems to be excitedly making plans and feeling positive, you may find yourself struggling to match that energy. It’s hard when you feel out of sync with the world around you, when it seems like everyone else is in the holiday spirit and you just can’t summon the same feelings.

The pressure to feel happy and connected can sometimes be suffocating. The well-meaning advice to "stay positive" or "just enjoy the holidays" may only make things worse when you're feeling down. It’s important to acknowledge that not everyone experiences this time of year in the same way, and that's okay. Your feelings are valid, even if they don't align with societal expectations.

For some, December can be a painful reminder of loss, loneliness, or unmet expectations. The idea that this is the "most wonderful time of the year" can feel like a cruel joke when you're struggling internally. You might be surrounded by people, but still feel completely isolated in your emotions. That sense of loneliness can sting, especially when it feels like everyone around you is happily connecting with others.

When people say "you're not alone," it can feel like a platitude. Sometimes, in the midst of a crowd, you may feel like no one truly understands your struggle. And that’s okay, too. You don’t need to justify your feelings to anyone. Not everyone will understand your emotional landscape, and that’s not a reflection of your worth or how "normal" your feelings are. Some people may find it hard to comprehend what you're going through because they haven't experienced it themselves. But that doesn't invalidate your emotions or make them any less real.

It’s important to give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you're feeling, even if it’s not what others expect of you. You don't have to force yourself to feel cheerful just because it's December. It’s okay to embrace the season in your own way, or even to take a step back and focus on what feels right for you. Whether it’s a quiet evening alone, some space to reflect, or simply acknowledging that the holidays aren't always magical for everyone, what matters is honouring your emotions, no matter how complex they may be.

If you're struggling during this time, remember: it's okay to not be okay. Take care of yourself, even if that means stepping away from the holiday hype. You are not alone in your experience, even if it may feel that way sometimes. Your feelings matter, and they are worth acknowledging.

If you need anything please see a list of resources that are available — http://www.wyeside.co.uk/mental-health/resources

Resources / Support

Mind support line

Call Mind's support line on 0300 102 1234.

This is a safe space for you to talk about your mental health. Our advisors are trained to listen to you and help you find specialist support if you need it.

We're open 9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday (except bank holidays).

Samaritans

You can contact Samaritans 24 hours a day, 365 days a year:

• Call 116 123 (free from any phone)

• Call the Samaritans Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day)

• Email jo@samaritans.org 

• Visit some branches in person

Samaritans is there for anyone who wants to talk. 

SANEline

If you're experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else, you can call SANEline on 0300 304 7000 (4.30pm–10pm every day).

National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK

Offers a supportive listening service to anyone with thoughts of suicide. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK on 0800 689 5652 (6pm to midnight every day).

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) 

You can call the CALM on 0800 58 58 58 (5pm–midnight every day) if you're affected by suicide or suicidal thoughts. Or if you prefer not to speak on the phone, you could try the CALM webchat service.

Shout 

If you would prefer not to talk but want some mental health support, you could text SHOUT to 85258. Shout offers a confidential 24/7 text service providing support if you are in crisis and need immediate help.

Papyrus HOPELINEUK

If you're under 35 and struggling with suicidal feelings, or concerned about a young person who might be struggling, you can call Papyrus HOPELINEUK on 0800 068 4141 (24 hours, 7 days a week), email pat@papyrus-uk.org or text 07786 209 697.

Nightline 

If you're a student, you can look on the Nightline website to see if your university or college offers a night-time listening service. Nightline phone operators are all students too.

Switchboard 

If you identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, you can call Switchboard on 0300 330 0630 (10am–10pm every day), email chris@switchboard.lgbt or use their webchat service. Phone operators all identify as LGBT+.

C.A.L.L.

If you live in Wales, you can call the Community Advice and Listening Line (C.A.L.L.) on 0800 132 737 (open 24/7) or you can text 'help' followed by a question to 81066.

Helplines Partnership

For more options, visit the Helplines Partnership website for a directory of UK helplines. If you're outside the UK, the Befrienders Worldwide website has a tool to search by country for emotional support helplines around the world.

NHS 111 - urgent mental health helpline

You can contact NHS 111 any time to access support for your health. To get urgent mental health support, call 111 and select option 2.

Visit the NHS 111 England and NHS 111 Wales websites to learn more, including other ways to get support.